There's a sort of stigma attached to online dating. We've all read the horror stories about people who met people through dating websites. It's a very scary world out there, especially on the online world. We've always been told not to meet up with people we speak to on the internet, so surely online dating should be the same? But what happens when something good comes out of it? Not everyone on the internet is a bad person. Surely, there are some good spuds out there? Here's my story about online dating with some tips for staying safe. Don't worry, I won't be kissing and telling.
I didn't think I'd ever sign up for online dating. I listened to the horror stories so was very vary of it all. I also think I was so used to be single that I couldn't actually see myself dating or even going on dates. After I lost my Mum in July 2016, I was a little lost with my life so a friend at work suggested I sign up for Tinder. I laughed of course, but the curiosity got the better of me.
I hadn't dated before EVER. I had never been on a first date, I never had a teenage relationship, I had never been in love and part of me hoped that my Prince Charming would land on my doorstep. I wasn't the type of person to meet guys in bars and I hated going out to nightclubs. On the nights out I did have, I must have been invisible to the opposite sex. I never got any attention from guys, expect from the really creepy, drunk guys that are old enough to be my Dad. I always felt it would be hard to meet someone in a bar as it would be far too noisy and then there's alcohol involved. You can't really talk to someone in a noisy bar or club. I don't really drink and would be worried about someone having their beer goggles on. Going to bars, I quickly realised I didn't fit into that lifestyle; I wasn't drinking and I was probably too covered up. Most of the girls were running around in short skirts and dresses, showing off their amazing figures with their perfect hair, tan and make up. Meanwhile, I had a pair of tights on, minimal make up, no tan and my hair would be it's usual straight self. Thinking about all of that, maybe online dating could work for me. So I gave it a go.
My Tinder profile photo of me in Disneyland Paris on my 30th birthday.
Tips For Signing Up
1)Be Yourself - Don't pretend to be someone you're not.
2) Don't put personal information in your profile - You do not need to put your work or your location in your profile.
3) Avoid photos of you with other people - So people can see who you are.
4) Don't lie - You want a quick fling? Then don't put you want a serious relationship and vice versa.
5) Don't use photos of someone else - If you do end up meeting up with someone it'll be pretty obvious you used someone else's photo in your profile.
6) Make sure you set up an age limit and add a minimum and maximum distance, meaning you won't get people too young or too old for you or get linked with people who live hundreds of miles away.
Speaking to someone
I got liked by a few guys but you don't have to like them if you aren't interested. The downside to Tinder is that when you get linked with someone you can only message them on the Tinder app. I found that I wasn't getting any notifications and the app wouldn't work if I didn't have wifi. I got linked to one guy but it appeared he lived in England. Another guy didn't message at all.
Signing up
When it came to signing up for Tinder, I made sure I was 'me' and not some made up Barbie doll that I am not. I have a few photos of me dressed up but that happens once in a blue moon. Instead, I opted for photos of me in my Minnie Mouse ears in Disneyland Paris and me rocking my Hufflepuff pride at the Harry Potter Tour. I can't really remember what I wrote on my profile but I think I put things like "I loved Disney" and "Proud Hufflepuff" I was nervous about signing up but happy with my profile as I didn't want to come across as fake or desperate.
My Tinder profile photo of me in Disneyland Paris on my 30th birthday. Tips For Signing Up
1)Be Yourself - Don't pretend to be someone you're not.
2) Don't put personal information in your profile - You do not need to put your work or your location in your profile.
3) Avoid photos of you with other people - So people can see who you are.
4) Don't lie - You want a quick fling? Then don't put you want a serious relationship and vice versa.
5) Don't use photos of someone else - If you do end up meeting up with someone it'll be pretty obvious you used someone else's photo in your profile.
6) Make sure you set up an age limit and add a minimum and maximum distance, meaning you won't get people too young or too old for you or get linked with people who live hundreds of miles away.
Speaking to someone
I got liked by a few guys but you don't have to like them if you aren't interested. The downside to Tinder is that when you get linked with someone you can only message them on the Tinder app. I found that I wasn't getting any notifications and the app wouldn't work if I didn't have wifi. I got linked to one guy but it appeared he lived in England. Another guy didn't message at all.
I was quite nervous about talking to someone in fear of saying something daft. I think I spoke to the guys for a few days before we swapped numbers. Even then I was worried about giving out my mobile number. I can't even remember what we talked about in those early days. I will admit, it was easier to speak via text message than on the app.
Rules before meeting up
1) Don't give out any personal information such as your work location, address, email address or social media accounts.
2) Don't be pressured into sending nudes of yourself by anyone. If you are being pressured, you can always block the person.
3) Don't be forced into meeting up unless you are confident in doing so.
4) Do not trust this person yet no matter how nice they appear.
5)If you swap numbers, remember you can block them at any time.
Me and Simon on one of our dates
Meeting Up
It's completely natural to be nervous and scared about meeting up with someone for the first time. This is where you have to be extra careful. I know how important it was to meet up with someone in a busy public area, like a town centre. On both occasions, I went to a local Starbucks. One time it was in the shopping centre where I worked so I could make a quick get away if I needed too. The horror stories were playing over and over in my head before the first date. I had a plan of action in my head such as train times home and parking my car nearby. If you've been matched with a decent person, they will be more than happy to meet you in a busy, public place. If things go well, there will be plenty of time for cute, quiet dates and privacy.
Rules before meeting up
1) Don't give out any personal information such as your work location, address, email address or social media accounts.
2) Don't be pressured into sending nudes of yourself by anyone. If you are being pressured, you can always block the person.
3) Don't be forced into meeting up unless you are confident in doing so.
4) Do not trust this person yet no matter how nice they appear.
5)If you swap numbers, remember you can block them at any time.
Me and Simon on one of our dates
It's completely natural to be nervous and scared about meeting up with someone for the first time. This is where you have to be extra careful. I know how important it was to meet up with someone in a busy public area, like a town centre. On both occasions, I went to a local Starbucks. One time it was in the shopping centre where I worked so I could make a quick get away if I needed too. The horror stories were playing over and over in my head before the first date. I had a plan of action in my head such as train times home and parking my car nearby. If you've been matched with a decent person, they will be more than happy to meet you in a busy, public place. If things go well, there will be plenty of time for cute, quiet dates and privacy.
It's important to go into the first date with an open mind and to also be yourself. On both first dates I dressed in jeans, top and jacket with my usual hair and minimal make up. At the end of the day, if you start dating this person, chances are they'll see you with no make up on and in your pyjamas first thing in the morning. My first dates went well with us spending hours chatting and getting to know one another while being in a coffee shop in a public area that I knew well.
Tips for meeting up safely
1) Arrange to meet up in a busy, public place such as a coffee shop like Starbucks in a local shopping centre.
2) Let some friends or family members know where you are going and when. I had friends come with me but stay nearby. I also picked a Starbucks close to my work.
3) Meet up during the day time rather than at night when it might be dark and the chance of there being less people around.
4) Have an escape plan of action in case the date gets awkward or scary.
5) Avoid bars and clubs. You don't know what the person you're meeting is capable of. They may have a criminal record or goodness knows what.
6) Avoid going back to each other's houses and getting drunk.
Tips for meeting up safely
1) Arrange to meet up in a busy, public place such as a coffee shop like Starbucks in a local shopping centre.
2) Let some friends or family members know where you are going and when. I had friends come with me but stay nearby. I also picked a Starbucks close to my work.
3) Meet up during the day time rather than at night when it might be dark and the chance of there being less people around.
4) Have an escape plan of action in case the date gets awkward or scary.
5) Avoid bars and clubs. You don't know what the person you're meeting is capable of. They may have a criminal record or goodness knows what.
6) Avoid going back to each other's houses and getting drunk.
7) Avoid parks or quiet areas where they're aren't that many people around.
The next few dates
Even though my first date went well, I was still worried and scared during the next few dates. As much as we got on, I still had my guard up and kept myself safe, meeting up in public areas and going for a meal in a busy restaurant. The same with the third; a meal followed by the cinema. You can never be too careful and need to keep yourself safe. People were still telling me horror stories as well which didn't help my anxiety. As we went on more dates, you slowly learn to trust the other person and get to know one another more.
The next few dates
Even though my first date went well, I was still worried and scared during the next few dates. As much as we got on, I still had my guard up and kept myself safe, meeting up in public areas and going for a meal in a busy restaurant. The same with the third; a meal followed by the cinema. You can never be too careful and need to keep yourself safe. People were still telling me horror stories as well which didn't help my anxiety. As we went on more dates, you slowly learn to trust the other person and get to know one another more.
Dating was completely new to me and that was scary. I had no idea what I was doing in the beginning. Then it all fell into place.
Dating online, once you get over the first couple of hurdles, is like normal dating I'm guessing. You might meet the love of your life or you might meet 10 idiots and trust me there are plenty of loosers online. I had many a sleezeball like me or send me creepy messages over my time on dating websites. Sometimes it might be hard to see past all the negative, especially when you have many first dates fail. Also it's important not to feel pressured into anything. I've already mentioned about not sending naughty photos if you don't want too and that goes for anything sexual too. If someone is pressuring you into anything you have a right to say "NO!" and stop talking to that person and block their number. If someone starts harassing you, you have a right to block them or even report them, depending on how bad it is.
I met Simon on Tinder. He liked me first then I liked him back. We met in my local Starbucks and spent a few hours together, just getting to know one another. We went on quite a few dates together before he asked me to be his girlfriend. We got engaged on our first anniversary which was the 15th October 2018. We were due to get married on March 30th but because of lockdown, it never happened but we have set another date. I think I got really lucky that online dating actually worked for me. I would never have met someone like Simon in a bar or a club. Online dating won't work for everyone. I surprised myself that I met someone.
If you do decide to go ahead with online dating, I will say something, be careful and don't put yourself into dangerous situations.
Simon and I on the day we got engaged
Dating online, once you get over the first couple of hurdles, is like normal dating I'm guessing. You might meet the love of your life or you might meet 10 idiots and trust me there are plenty of loosers online. I had many a sleezeball like me or send me creepy messages over my time on dating websites. Sometimes it might be hard to see past all the negative, especially when you have many first dates fail. Also it's important not to feel pressured into anything. I've already mentioned about not sending naughty photos if you don't want too and that goes for anything sexual too. If someone is pressuring you into anything you have a right to say "NO!" and stop talking to that person and block their number. If someone starts harassing you, you have a right to block them or even report them, depending on how bad it is.
I met Simon on Tinder. He liked me first then I liked him back. We met in my local Starbucks and spent a few hours together, just getting to know one another. We went on quite a few dates together before he asked me to be his girlfriend. We got engaged on our first anniversary which was the 15th October 2018. We were due to get married on March 30th but because of lockdown, it never happened but we have set another date. I think I got really lucky that online dating actually worked for me. I would never have met someone like Simon in a bar or a club. Online dating won't work for everyone. I surprised myself that I met someone.
If you do decide to go ahead with online dating, I will say something, be careful and don't put yourself into dangerous situations.
Simon and I on the day we got engaged
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