My Pregnancy Experience. First 20 weeks.

 I thought I'd write a blog post highlighting my first 20 weeks of my first pregnancy. I will try to be as open and honest as I can.

I found out I was pregnant on the 27th January 2022. It was a huge shock even though we had been trying for several months. I found out after my very regular period was late by 4 days. My period might be one day early or late but never 4 days. I was also feeling very tired and on a trip to Ikea, I felt quite sick. I did a pregnancy test and it was positive.

It just so happened that I was off work the week I found out. The day after, I did a 2nd pregnancy test which also was positive. I then rang my GP thinking I'd get an appointment to see her, just to get a check up to make sure everything was ok but I was informed that GPs no longer see a pregnant woman when she finds out she is pregnant. I was absolutely horrified and very annoyed. All I wanted was to go and speak to a medical professional, get some information on pregnancy and maybe have my blood pressure etc checked. 

Google was my best friend as I tried to process the fact that I was pregnant. I looked to google to find out all the important information regarding what I was and wasn't allowed to eat and drink and what I was allowed and not allowed to do. I made sure to check I was using UK based websites.

On the Saturday, 2 days after finding out, we welcomed a 8 week old puppy called Molly into our lives. As much as we loved her, having a new puppy at the start of your pregnancy is not a good idea and I would not recommend to any expectant mother.

I downloaded a pregnancy app to my phone called Bounty. This constantly gives me weekly updates on what to expect that week and the growth of the baby. There is loads of good stuff on there.

My emotions were all over the place which is to be expected with a new pregnancy and the hormones. I was constantly filled with fear, worry and anxiety about everything. I was scared about the next 9 months, worried that I was doing the right thing in regards to eating etc.

My energy levels were none existent and I've never felt tiredness like it. I was getting up at 6am every morning, sorting Molly out, then getting myself ready for work, working 5, 8 hour shifts a week. Then after work I was coming home, sorting Molly out, getting dinner made, clearing up after dinner, sorting Molly out then going to bed at 9:30pm. I was lucky if I got to sit down for an hour each day. 

I felt so rough too as the nausea kicked in and kicked my arse. I felt so sick but thankfully the actual vomiting stayed away. The nausea was nearly as bad though as I couldn't stick certain smells like the butchers in my work or the smell or spilled milk in my back up fridge in work. I ended up dosed with the cold too as my immune system was apparently weaker due to the hormones. I felt so miserable but couldn't tell anyone at work the truth as to why. 

On one occasion I had taken Molly outside in the rain to get her to go to the toilet. It was cold, dark and raining and not pleasant at all. Molly was taking forever then sat herself at our back door, crying to get inside. I started crying too as I wanted to go inside and get warm. Simon ended up having to take over from me that night. Thankfully I kept my emotions in at work.

If being Pregnant wasn't bad enough, I had to contend with my eye flaring up again. From April 2021, I had been back and forth with a bad left eye which was an ulcer on my cornea. Eye drops only worked for short periods then it would flare up again. I ended up having to go back to the eye casualty at the Royal Hospital in Belfast for the third time. 

Covid: On Monday 14th February when I was only 7 weeks pregnant, I tested positive for Covid19. I had managed to avoid it for nearly two years and took it while being pregnant. Thankfully I've had my 3 vaccinations. If I was exhausted before, having Covid was ten times worse. I felt like I had a very bad flu with a bad cough, cold, brain fog and a stuffed up nose. I was off work for 6 days until I got my two negative test results. I wasn't allowed to take any medication to help with my symptoms. 

I was constantly exhausted from having Covid and the pregnancy as well as looking after Molly. It was all definitely too much. I'd be fine until about lunch time then I'd feel like I needed to nap. 

My mental health was really bad too. I struggle with my mental health anyways but it was very bad. I was worried about all the events going on in the world, my pregnancy and various other things. I had many a melt down and I was finding it hard to be positive about anything. I was doubting myself that I would be a good mother. I was rubbish with Molly and didn't have the patience for her. It didn't help that I felt very isolated with no one to talk too. Simon was supportive but I definitely could have done with a female's support. I really could have done with having my Mum around. 

My pregnancy symptoms seemed to have calmed down after having covid which was weird. I was still tired but I didn't have nausea or many other symptoms. I was very grateful for this. 

On the 18th March, which just happened to be me and Simon's 1st wedding anniversary, I had my first hospital appointment. I had a huge meltdown that morning beforehand. I was not enjoying pregnancy and the worry about bringing a child into this messed up world was too much. My first appointment consisted of me speaking to a midwife, answering a few questions then Simon was invited in for my first scan. I did cry when we got to see the baby for the first time. I was given a baby pack from Bounty then sent on my way. A midwife rang me to get my medical history over the phone which I found weird. I couldn't understand why she didn't take it while I was at the hospital. It did feel a little unprofessional. I got to collect my maternity folder with all my notes later than afternoon.

It was very hard not telling family and friends but easy at the same time. Simon and I tend to keep ourselves to ourselves so don't really see our loved ones much. I could hide my pregnancy easily as I don't really drink alcohol or coffee. I did wish I had that someone like my Mum to talk too in those early days. I did tell my manager though. I told my family on the 18th March at our anniversary dinner. I gradually told my work colleagues. I purposely didn't post it to social media as I didn't want all the gossip hags finding out and spreading my news around Ballymena.   

We made the tough decision to take Molly to live with Simon's sister Ashleigh permanently as we were really struggling with her. We took Molly to Belfast to Simon's Mum's house for Ashleigh to collect her. We knew it was the right decision for us as our baby had to come first.

My confidence was completely shot. My skin was absolutely terrible with my cheeks covered in a reddish rash. It wasn't exactly spots which was good or the bad acne I had in my early 20's but it knocked my self-esteem for six. I was starting to gain a little weight on my stomach and some of my trousers were beginning to feel a little tight on me. I tried on all of my summer clothing to see what all fitted and what didn't. Thankfully, a lot of my dresses, jumpsuits and shorts still fit and should see me through the summer. Sadly, all my skinny jeans don't button on me and that made me feel kinda rubbish. I found most of my bottoms really uncomfortable. I ended up buying a pair of maternity jeans and a pair of paperbag elastic waisted jeans. 

Simon and I decided to book a little much-needed weekend away to the Brown Trout near Coleraine. I was a bit worried about going due to my struggles with eating. I was not enjoying food or wanting fancy foods. I hated trying to plan meals for the week or think of what to have for my packed lunch. While it was nice to get away, I still struggled with food, even though I was having it cooked for me. I came to the conclusion that eating a starter would ruin my mains as I ended up hardly eating my food at both our meals when away. I had starters which I enjoyed. I did enjoy my breakfasts both mornings though. I felt bad for not eating a lot of food that weekend. I hated my lack of appetite. It was lovely to get away though. 

As I have a negative blood type, I am required to get AntiD injections. This was another hospital appointment and more injections. Simon also has a negative blood type so apparently I won't need the injections after all but we need to get proof of Simon's blood type to give to my midwife. I also have to get glucose tests done at the end of June as my Dad and brother are borderline diabetic. 

One of the strangest symptoms is the weird feelings in my stomach. Sometimes it feels like period cramps. Other times it feels like heartburn or indigestion or I feel like I'm bloated. I would also feel like something was pressing down hard on my bladder every time I needed to pee. 

On the 27th April, I had my 2nd hospital appointment for my 16 weeks. Though, I was now 17 weeks. It wasn't a very exciting appointment other than I got to hear the baby's heart beat. I did get the day off work though as I'm entitled to all my hospital appointments as paid days off. 

I went on a shopping trip to Belfast with my sister and niece with the idea of treating myself but sadly I couldn't find anything nice in the shops that I felt comfortable in. I wanted a nice summer midi length dress but everything was too short or too tight. This didn't really help my low confidence. 

Sleeping: You'd think before the baby comes along that I'd be trying to get as much sleep as possible. However I found myself wakening up a lot during the night needing to pee or with pains in my hips and ears. I couldn't get comfortable in bed at times. I do need to invest in a pregnancy pillow or new pillows. 

On the 9th May, I had my 20 week scan, a week early. This was the scan that checked my baby to see if they are growing properly and that everything is in working order. Everything was good and I couldn't believe how clear certain things were. I also found out the sex of our baby. 

I finally posted about the pregnancy on Twitter. I probably feel most comfortable posting certain things on Twitter than Instagram and Facebook which is why I've refrained from posting on both those platforms. 

In regards to my bump, there is definitely a bump there now but it's easily hidden under my baggy jumpers and tops. Sometimes it looks bigger than others, especially after I've eaten. It is very strange to look down to where my nice flat stomach once was to see a bump. I don't think I'll ever get used to that, especially as I never put weight on. 

It's hard to believe I'm half way through my pregnancy already. The past 17 weeks have absolutely flown in. It's definitely not been an easy ride for me, a full on rollercoaster of emotions. It still doesn't seem real that I'm growing a tiny human inside of me and will give birth to it in October. I'm still absolutely petrified of the future and especially the birth. I suck with pain and blood and will worry myself sick about it as the time gets closer. I'm also scared about being a Mum, bringing a child into this messed up world. I have had so much to think about and I have so many worries and fears. I don't know what the 2nd half of my pregnancy will be like but I can only hope that it'll be as smooth as possible without any hiccups or drama.